Get all 19 Porch Cat releases available on Bandcamp.
Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of Not Invited, Helena (My Chemical Romance Cover), I LOVE Y'ALL [A Folk Punk Cover Album], Broken Body (Demo), In The Garden I Will Learn To Grow (Demo), Time of Year, 2019 Demos, 500 Days of Bummer (Unreleased Songs from 2019), and 11 more.
1. |
if yr not happy
02:16
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this song is about how it sucks when people try to tell you that you should be happy you don't "have it worse". it's also about thoughts i was having at the time about my gender, dropping out of school, and anxiety and stress in the form of trichotillomania.
***
Am E F G
F G Am E F G
i always wanted to be tougher than i am
but i’m small and i’m scared
i’ve always wanted to know just where i stand
but i stand everywhere
if you’re not happy
you should be
maybe i’ll drop out of high school
and maybe i won’t go to college
i’ve been wanting to drop right out this life
so, maybe i won't go to college
my eyelids stick together
the lashes hold them closed
so i pull them out, i swear it’s better
to make your own damn roads
if you’re not happy
you should be
yeah, if you’re not happy
you fucking should be
well, from down here i can see the sky
from down here i can see the sky
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2. |
take it back
05:20
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this song is about ptsd and dissociation, being unable to understand why you feel like you're falling apart. it's also about coming to realize what happened to start it all and trying to come to terms with it.
***
lately things have been harder than before
my brain and heart don’t seem to work right anymore
this winter will take everything that's left
this winter will take everything i’ve got left
i’m losing time with thumbtacks and rubber bands
it’s something more cause i’ve got blood on my hands
this winter will take everything that's left
this winter will take everything i’ve got left
and the way they take it all
i lost myself somewhere else after the fall
oooooo
a year of losing control of everything
really does a person i think
i’m healing and i’m trying to get up
i’m crying and i’m trying to get up
i couldn’t see what i am seeing now
i’ve been looking from down here on the ground asking how
i’m healing and i’m trying to get up
i’m crying and i’m trying to get up
and the way they take it all
i lost myself somewhere else after the fall
i can’t take it back
i can’t take it back
i can’t take back what i never had
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3. |
bedroom artist
02:50
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i wrote this song during a time where i felt like hiding away in my bedroom constantly, and was pushing people i loved away. it's about keeping secrets and how that can hurt you. it's also a lot about being chronically ill and spending a lot of time in your bedroom but not knowing how to be honest with people.
***
i don't wanna hang out with you
cause the sky's been really gray
i wish i could explain to you
but I don't know how to say that
sometimes all i can do
is hide inside my bedroom
maybe it makes sense to you
but it don't make sense to me
god i wish that i could start new
and turn out differently
but sometimes all i can do
is hide inside my head
a bedroom artist never tells their secrets
a bedroom artist fills their paint cups with regrets
i love you and i mean it
i swear to god i do
it's alright you don't believe it
i've got nothing to prove
sometimes i don't know how
to let anyone close
i'm sorry that i never called
i've been feeling way too sad
i thought that i'd enjoy the fall
but i've been feeling pretty bad
and sometimes i don't have the words
a bedroom artist never tells their secrets
a bedroom artist fills their paint cups with regrets
it's not my fault oh, tell me that you won't forget
a bedroom artist never tells their secrets
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4. |
belong here
03:43
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this song is about dissociation, possessiveness, abuse and assault, and trying to fight it all. i think i'm winning.
***
took my head off in the sky
don't know why i said goodbye
laid down in the road to die
don't know why i said goodbye
oooooo
well a demon got a hold of me
and i couldn't see a thing
i always said i was monster
that didn't mean a thing
how could you be so mean?
i don't belong to you
i don't belong here, don't belong here, don't belong here
i don't belong to you
i don't belong here, don't belong here, don't belong here
you collapsed there on the floor
and i wished you would go home
you asked if we could be more
i said, no i'll be alone, i'll be alone, i'll be alone
when push came to shove
you pushed and you pushed
said it was love
i couldn't look, i can't look
i don't belong to you
i don't belong here, don't belong here, don't belong here
i don't belong to you
i don't belong here, don't belong here, don't belong here
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5. |
tell me
03:04
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i've spent so much time crying
it'll be that way til i am dying
you say i'm crazy
you say i'm lazy
i always do my own damn dishes
while i make a hundred wishes
cause you're killing me
you're killing me
tell me, nobody told me
tell me, nobody told me
tell me, nobody told me
tell me, nobody told me
tell me
when i came to you crying
i could tell you thought i was lying
i'm begging you, i'm telling you the truth
i've gone through so many doors just to get to you
i always feel the same damn way
and how i really feel, i can never say
cause you're killing me
can't you see you're killing me
tell me, nobody told me
tell me, nobody told me
tell me, nobody told me
tell me, nobody told me
tell me
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6. |
the aftermath
03:30
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this song is about abuse and assault, ptsd, but it really just served as a way for me to vent and process my feelings in the moments that i felt hopeless.
***
garden's been turning gray
and i'm constantly afraid
i don't know where i've been
it's planted in me like a sin
the aftermath is a lot like lying
keep yourself together when you feel like dying
but i can't
not in the aftermath
you're bringing flowers to a funeral
you planned yourself but you don't plan to go
you gutted me like you caught a fish
still that's something i wish
if i could remove the parts you touched
you're right to say that i wouldn't be much
oh i'm glad that i rarely saw your face
every time you put me in my place
the aftermath is a lot like lying
keep yourself together when you feel like dying
the aftermath is a lot like screaming
you toss and turn pretending that your dreaming
but i can't
not in the aftermath
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7. |
dreamin' meanin'
02:18
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i wrote this just after i finally finding some answers about my chronic illness, which turns out to be somewhat rare. because it's not very common, many doctors assume their patients don't have it - it doesn't even cross their mind, or they're just not knowledgeable on the syndrome as it's not widely taught. i found information on my own, read a lot while being amazed that something could fit me so perfectly, and finally had to go out and find doctors to help me treat the symptoms.
***
capo 7
d em g
i’ve been bleeding
it’s coming up to my skin
i’ve got bruises
where the flesh is thin
and i’ve got no patience for waiting
i’m trying but i’m fading
em g
i’m hoping i’ll wake up from dreaming
maybe something’s
really going wrong
i’ve been sleeping
for way too long
and there are things they don’t tell you, until you find them
there are words i don’t know
and words can have a lot of meanings
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8. |
The Haircut Song
02:14
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this is an old song that i thought would sound pretty cool with electric guitar. it's kind of about toxic relationships and finding freedom from them.
***
D F C G
i cut off all my hair and i got a cold
i found all our pictures and i felt so old
i had a dream where i poisoned you
but dreams they have meanings, yeah you’re poison too
and once in a while i just don’t feel free
so i think of places that i’d rather be
i’d be in the ocean
or on the sun
i’d be in a school bus
i stole for fun
i cut off all my hair and I felt free
i still think of places that I’d rather be
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Porch Cat Washington
Porch Cat is a DIY, queer, folk punk band from Washington, fronted by Chan B and accompanied by Emily Ayden. Porch Cat is a project that strives to connect with and empower marginalized people through music.
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