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Bedroom Artist

by Porch Cat

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  • Full Digital Discography

    Get all 18 Porch Cat releases available on Bandcamp.

    Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of Helena (My Chemical Romance Cover), I LOVE Y'ALL [A Folk Punk Cover Album], Broken Body (Demo), In The Garden I Will Learn To Grow (Demo), Time of Year, 2019 Demos, 500 Days of Bummer (Unreleased Songs from 2019), DEATH AS A WOMAN, and 10 more. , and , .

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1.
this song is about how it sucks when people try to tell you that you should be happy you don't "have it worse". it's also about thoughts i was having at the time about my gender, dropping out of school, and anxiety and stress in the form of trichotillomania. *** Am E F G F G Am E F G i always wanted to be tougher than i am but i’m small and i’m scared i’ve always wanted to know just where i stand but i stand everywhere if you’re not happy you should be maybe i’ll drop out of high school and maybe i won’t go to college i’ve been wanting to drop right out this life so, maybe i won't go to college my eyelids stick together the lashes hold them closed so i pull them out, i swear it’s better to make your own damn roads if you’re not happy you should be yeah, if you’re not happy you fucking should be well, from down here i can see the sky from down here i can see the sky
2.
take it back 05:20
this song is about ptsd and dissociation, being unable to understand why you feel like you're falling apart. it's also about coming to realize what happened to start it all and trying to come to terms with it. *** lately things have been harder than before my brain and heart don’t seem to work right anymore this winter will take everything that's left this winter will take everything i’ve got left i’m losing time with thumbtacks and rubber bands it’s something more cause i’ve got blood on my hands this winter will take everything that's left this winter will take everything i’ve got left and the way they take it all i lost myself somewhere else after the fall oooooo a year of losing control of everything really does a person i think i’m healing and i’m trying to get up i’m crying and i’m trying to get up i couldn’t see what i am seeing now i’ve been looking from down here on the ground asking how i’m healing and i’m trying to get up i’m crying and i’m trying to get up and the way they take it all i lost myself somewhere else after the fall i can’t take it back i can’t take it back i can’t take back what i never had
3.
i wrote this song during a time where i felt like hiding away in my bedroom constantly, and was pushing people i loved away. it's about keeping secrets and how that can hurt you. it's also a lot about being chronically ill and spending a lot of time in your bedroom but not knowing how to be honest with people. *** i don't wanna hang out with you cause the sky's been really gray i wish i could explain to you but I don't know how to say that sometimes all i can do is hide inside my bedroom maybe it makes sense to you but it don't make sense to me god i wish that i could start new and turn out differently but sometimes all i can do is hide inside my head a bedroom artist never tells their secrets a bedroom artist fills their paint cups with regrets i love you and i mean it i swear to god i do it's alright you don't believe it i've got nothing to prove sometimes i don't know how to let anyone close i'm sorry that i never called i've been feeling way too sad i thought that i'd enjoy the fall but i've been feeling pretty bad and sometimes i don't have the words a bedroom artist never tells their secrets a bedroom artist fills their paint cups with regrets it's not my fault oh, tell me that you won't forget a bedroom artist never tells their secrets
4.
belong here 03:43
this song is about dissociation, possessiveness, abuse and assault, and trying to fight it all. i think i'm winning. *** took my head off in the sky don't know why i said goodbye laid down in the road to die don't know why i said goodbye oooooo well a demon got a hold of me and i couldn't see a thing i always said i was monster that didn't mean a thing how could you be so mean? i don't belong to you i don't belong here, don't belong here, don't belong here i don't belong to you i don't belong here, don't belong here, don't belong here you collapsed there on the floor and i wished you would go home you asked if we could be more i said, no i'll be alone, i'll be alone, i'll be alone when push came to shove you pushed and you pushed said it was love i couldn't look, i can't look i don't belong to you i don't belong here, don't belong here, don't belong here i don't belong to you i don't belong here, don't belong here, don't belong here
5.
tell me 03:04
i've spent so much time crying it'll be that way til i am dying you say i'm crazy you say i'm lazy i always do my own damn dishes while i make a hundred wishes cause you're killing me you're killing me tell me, nobody told me tell me, nobody told me tell me, nobody told me tell me, nobody told me tell me when i came to you crying i could tell you thought i was lying i'm begging you, i'm telling you the truth i've gone through so many doors just to get to you i always feel the same damn way and how i really feel, i can never say cause you're killing me can't you see you're killing me tell me, nobody told me tell me, nobody told me tell me, nobody told me tell me, nobody told me tell me
6.
this song is about abuse and assault, ptsd, but it really just served as a way for me to vent and process my feelings in the moments that i felt hopeless. *** garden's been turning gray and i'm constantly afraid i don't know where i've been it's planted in me like a sin the aftermath is a lot like lying keep yourself together when you feel like dying but i can't not in the aftermath you're bringing flowers to a funeral you planned yourself but you don't plan to go you gutted me like you caught a fish still that's something i wish if i could remove the parts you touched you're right to say that i wouldn't be much oh i'm glad that i rarely saw your face every time you put me in my place the aftermath is a lot like lying keep yourself together when you feel like dying the aftermath is a lot like screaming you toss and turn pretending that your dreaming but i can't not in the aftermath
7.
i wrote this just after i finally finding some answers about my chronic illness, which turns out to be somewhat rare. because it's not very common, many doctors assume their patients don't have it - it doesn't even cross their mind, or they're just not knowledgeable on the syndrome as it's not widely taught. i found information on my own, read a lot while being amazed that something could fit me so perfectly, and finally had to go out and find doctors to help me treat the symptoms. *** capo 7 d em g i’ve been bleeding it’s coming up to my skin i’ve got bruises where the flesh is thin and i’ve got no patience for waiting i’m trying but i’m fading em g i’m hoping i’ll wake up from dreaming maybe something’s really going wrong i’ve been sleeping for way too long and there are things they don’t tell you, until you find them there are words i don’t know and words can have a lot of meanings
8.
this is an old song that i thought would sound pretty cool with electric guitar. it's kind of about toxic relationships and finding freedom from them. *** D F C G i cut off all my hair and i got a cold i found all our pictures and i felt so old i had a dream where i poisoned you but dreams they have meanings, yeah you’re poison too and once in a while i just don’t feel free so i think of places that i’d rather be i’d be in the ocean or on the sun i’d be in a school bus i stole for fun i cut off all my hair and I felt free i still think of places that I’d rather be

about

thank you for your patience while i was making this album
a lot of time and pain went into it, and i am grateful that you're taking the time to listen to these songs
thank you for that

sensitive topics like chronic illness, chronic pain, abuse, and assault come up throughout these songs - generally not explicit

credits

released June 24, 2015

Chan: vox, acoustic guitar (tracks 1-4, 6, 7), ukulele (tracks 2 and 8) electric guitar, pizza box (tracks 2, 4, 7), pill bottles (tracks 2 and 6), rhythmic breathing and jar sounds (track 6), album art, mixing

Emily: electric guitar (tracks 1, 3, 5, 6), upright bass (tracks 2 and 7), electric bass (tracks 3, 5, 8), drum set (tracks 1, 4, 5, 8), vocals (track 5), drum machine (track 3), mixing

Izzy: upright bass (track 1)


Lyrics and music by Porch Cat (Chan Barraza), with the exception of instrumental parts written by the people who played them.

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Porch Cat Washington

Porch Cat is a DIY, queer, folk punk band from Washington, fronted by Chan B and accompanied by Emily Ayden. Chan's raw, honest lyrics and unique vocals define the bands sound, while their partner, Emily Ayden, brings thoughtful vocal harmonies along with a driving and melodic guitar to round it out. Porch Cat is a project that strives to connect with and empower marginalized people through music. ... more

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