Bad Victim

from by Porch Cat

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This is a song about feeling like, as a survivor of emotional and sexual abuse, I could not live up to the expectations of being a survivor. These expectations tell us that we should have done something differently, should have gone to the police, should have told someone, should have been more forceful, should have drank less, should have worn more clothes - and we spiral. This song is about taking back what I need to heal. Sometimes we need to know it wasn't our fault, and sometimes we need to know that it's okay that we didn't handle it all perfectly. Sometimes we need to know that there is no right way to react to violence enacted against you.

The majority of sexual assault incidents go unreported - only 344/1000 are.

Visit rainn.org for more resources.

lyrics

Take it in stride, where is your pride?
A monster stole it while I was trying to hide
In the temple I built where the insides are gray
But the flowers laid out invite you to stay

So I've been planting thorns in my garden
To hold my power, I have to begin
I don't mind writing poems, in photo form
It's the action I take, it's the change that I've sworn

We suffer in anger, we claw and we bite
We're silent through tearfall but not without fight
I seem to keep cycling through the bad things I've done
For I am not pure, I'm the bad victim

I am with myself, it's all I can do
I'm reminding myself that I'm stronger than you
I seem to keep cycling through the bad things I've done
For I am not pure, I'm the bad victim

Tell them I'm crazy, I'll tell them you're right
Crazy you made me cause you made me fight
The record you played, your idea of fun
I've made it this far as the bad victim

I seem to keep cycling through the bad things I've done
For I am not pure, I'm the bad victim

credits

from Bad Victim, released January 14, 2017
Chan: vocals, guitars, lyrics, arrangement
Moony: drums, bass

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about

Porch Cat Portland, Oregon

Chan. Mexican-American living in the Pacific Northwest. Educator and activist in the form of a musician, singer-songwriter, artist, and poet. Chronically ill cripple punk, unapologetically queer. Spreading awareness of invisible & chronic illness, disability, Narcolepsy+cataplexy, Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome (Hypermobile type), sexual assault survivors and PTSD, race & identity, and LGBTQ+ issues. ... more

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