Summer​/​Winter

by Porch Cat

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about

summer: 1-6
transition: 7
winter: 8-13

Almost a year has gone by since I started writing these songs last summer. I hope you enjoy them.

DIY bedroom music. If you can donate, I'd think you're totally rad (money goes towards food, shelter, and traveling to a town near you). It's free for a reason, though, so have at it.


Thank you, thank you, thank you.

credits

released March 20, 2013

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about

Porch Cat Bellingham, Washington

Chan Barraza Benicki started Porch Cat as a acoustic singer-songwriter project in 2011. Benicki is a queer xicanx living in Bellingham, WA. Besides being a musician, they are an artist, poet, educator, and advocate for awareness for invisible and chronic illness, disability, LGBTQ+ issues. Porch Cat is currently: Chan Benicki (bass/vox), Moony Marrow (drums/vox), and Molly Smith (guitar). ... more

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Track Name: Song for Living
C E7 Am E7
F G C E Am

All I want the most right now is to run into the wild
Find myself happy, free, and in love
I’d hold your hand as we dive into the ocean
Cold as hell and hard to breath, but that’s just how I’d want it to be

How else would you know you’re alive?
How else would you know you’ll survive?

I was born in a hospital and that’s probably where I’ll die
But if I had it my way, I’d be hopping trains
Screaming so loud my body shakes
Leaving just to prove that I was here

How else would you know you’re alive?
How else would you know you’ll survive?
Track Name: Storm Chaser
I’ve grown claws, and dug scars
And I can’t close my eyes without help
I’ll swallow all the stars
Just to have something to tell

So someday I’ll be chasing storms
And someday I’ll be free
And someday I’ll be chasing storms
And I’ll be living in my dreams

I’m hearing sirens from my window
And I’d rather hear the wind
I’ve lived in a house my whole life
And the thing about life is it’s got to begin

I’ve often feigned passion, but I’ve never felt
Something stronger than the urge to pack
Plant my roots somewhere else
And never look back

And someday I’ll be chasing storms
And someday I’ll be free
And someday I’ll be chasing storms
And I’ll be living in my dreams
Track Name: My Father's Daughter
C F G
F G C

One day my father told me
People who always need company
Are the people who can’t stand themselves

Well, I’m good at bullshitting
I’m good at telling lies
And I’m good at falling in love

But I am my father’s daughter
And I’m better at being alone

I cut my own hair in the morning
But I don’t roll my own cigarettes
If I ever started smoking, I would

I believe in love and peace
And in the devil, but not in god
I believe in being free and anarchy

I am my father’s daughter
And I’m better at being alone
Track Name: Liar's Blues
A Dm F E

I am a liar
And I can’t keep my temper
And I could get higher
But I wouldn’t come down

And I’m full of feelings
And I’m full of shit
And I’ve been thinking of stealing
The moon

So once I find it, I’ll stop walking
Take off my coat, kick off my shoes
I’ve never been one for staying
And I could never sing the blues

I am a liar
But I’ll give you nothing but truth
I’ll start a fire
To burn myself down

And I’m full
I’m full of dreams
But I can never recall
Because I never sleep

Once I find it, I’ll stop walking
Take off my coat, kick off my shoes
I’ve never been one for staying
And I could never sing the blues
Track Name: End of the Earth
F A7 Dm A7
Bb Dm A7 Dm C

Well, here I am I’m naked and
Waiting for a sign
But I’m always on the wrong side of the road

I don’t catch myself and sometimes I
Black out, space out
Hit the gas when my eyes have closed

My sleep patterns don’t match with yours
So I lay here
Waiting for my mind to dim

I’m aching and I’m out of breath
But my thoughts wander
I’ll go anywhere, just don’t wanna be where I’ve been

Let’s go to the end of the earth
Take on the night sky ‘til we’re covered in dirt

Break down the walls that tell us we can’t sleep in parking lots
And then we can be free

I’ve always been good at wanting
To leave
My legs and heart and mind grow restless and weak

The only thing I know about myself is that
I’m always changing
And I’ve been living too long on the same damn street
Track Name: Song for the Lonely (Like Me)
Capo 3

G Am C
G Am Em C

Lately I’ve been dreaming in color
But it’s hard for me to get to sleep
And I like to tell people secrets
If only to hear the secrets that they all keep

And I need to feel the weather sometimes
And it’s good to know that I’m not alone

Lately I’ve been waiting for the creatures to crawl in
Through the window where they wait for me
And as a kid I was never scared of monsters
But I was scared of ghosts and that my heart would no longer beat

And I need to feel the weather sometimes
And it’s good to know that I’m not alone

And sometimes when my heart skips a beat,
I wonder if I’m dying or if I’m asleep

And we all need to give a little love and time
Track Name: From Warmth to Wine (Transition Song)
I'm looking for something I can't find
I'm drowning in the warmth of wine
I need something to feel
I need something to feel
Track Name: Younger, Smaller
Am Am C G
Am Am C E7

C E7 Am E7
C E7 Am F

My fingers started aching when the sky turned
My teeth and my knees dull, oh how my stars burned
You left my window wide open, and it’s cold
Your voice cracked in my ears as you watched me unfold

I am so young, now,
And sometimes I get scared
I feel so small, here,
So lay me down, lay with me

My guilt follows me and I swallow it down
The ghosts in my head beat in every old town
My words echo slowly as I begin,
“Forgive me, forgive me, for I have sinned”

And lord knows I’m still
A child
I feel so small, here,
So lay me down, lay with me

And when I struck,
I know you hurt like hell
I carry your heart
And I’m far from well

And when I struck,
I hope you felt my eyes
Hear me, hear me now
I beg for your light

Let me take back my hands
Fill them with my love
They never belonged in anger
You should know
Track Name: Ballad For Winter
Am G C
Am F C G

I’ve been sitting in my bedroom
Sleeping for days, but my bed feels empty
I'm tired of keeping still,
If I don’t burn this down, who will?

My head’s aching all the time
I’ve been silent but my throat burns
Old man winter’s got me down
His hand on my throat and my back on the ground

Haven’t been eating much and haven’t been eating right
I’m awake in the morning ‘cause I can’t sleep at night
Addicted to the substance of delusion and distress
Addicted to the way my heart beats in my chest

The sound of hail has got me freezing
The charm of hell is not beyond reason
Drive across the state in snow
Aimless ‘til I find somewhere to go

Sometimes I want to scream
Until my throat is numb and I can’t breathe
Sometimes I want to run away
Find the desert, find the sun someday

Haven’t been eating much and haven’t been eating right
I’m awake in the morning ‘cause I can’t sleep at night
Addicted to the substance of delusion and distress
Addicted to the way my heart beats in my chest

Haven’t been eating much and haven’t been eating right
I’m awake in the morning ‘cause I can’t sleep at night
If freedom is the answer, then achieving it’s the test
Addicted to the way my heart beats in my chest
Track Name: The Waking Song
G Cadd9 Em

I’ve been missing the things I don’t remember
I’ve been reliving the things that I do
When I don’t eat for hours, I don’t get hungry
The nausea keeps me from wanting food

I’m afraid of sleeping, cause I’m afraid of waking
I’m afraid of eating, cause I’m afraid of puking

When I go to bed, I feel empty
When I wake up, I feel the same
When I get tired, I don’t feel like sleeping
Cause the nausea keeps me from having dreams

I’m afraid of doing things that make me laugh
I’m afraid of doing things that distract me
Cause I’m afraid that when I do them I’ll still feel
And that nothing will seem very funny

I’m afraid of sleeping, cause I’m afraid of waking
I’m afraid of eating, cause I’m afraid of puking
I’m afraid of living, cause I’m afraid of dying
I’m afraid of sleeping, cause I’m afraid of waking
Track Name: I Am The Skeleton
D A G D
A G D

When I was a kid, I had a dream where I was on a school bus
And the driver was a skeleton, and he drove us
Off the edge of the high way and into the sky
Now when I’m driving, I fantasize

I am the skeleton, driving straight off the curve into the sun
I am the dream, with the wheel in my fists while I’m on the run

Maybe if I tear apart the things I thought were true
I’d find the things I need, I’d find something new
Maybe my jaw will come apart and my words will fall right out
Maybe my teeth will rot away and I’ll have to live without

The things that make me hungry in an awful, painful way
And I will let myself live purely each day
Track Name: Sex, Drugs, and Rock and Roll
C F Am
C F

Am C F

you said, “I’m sorry for the things we do not know”
well, darling, it’s okay
I’m still just a kid and I’m still scared of the world
but I grow every day
but I still worry about the ways I stay the same

I want to go somewhere that don’t feel like where I’ve been
Drive with a plan to get lost
I can’t help but feel a little tired of this place
‘cause freedom comes at a cost
and I worry about the ways I sell my soul

Mother said that peace and love
are the same
as sex, drugs, and rock and roll
I don’t know about that
I don’t know about that
But it makes me feel better